GRACE & THE IN-BETWEEN
The last 2 years have been one of the toughest seasons of my life, from tragically losing my son (only child) to suffering multiple miscarriages and trauma. Grief has forced me into an “in-between” place where everything I thought I knew about God has been questioned.
So what does Grace mean to me?
I googled recently, “What kind of prayers does God answer?”… I was surprised to find a lot of people have asked the same question. Yet in this season of waiting and the in-between, Grace is the unexplainable peace that overshadows my heart when I wake in the morning.
Grace is the overwhelming gush of emotions I feel towards a God I do not understand but love. Grace is a knowing, an assurance of who God is. He is a good God and He cannot be anything else but good to me.
“He is a good God and He cannot be anything else but good to me…”
Grace is Rest. Resting in the knowledge that I cannot be lost. His hands are big enough, His love is too large and he will carry me to the finish line. He is carrying me. I might not see the footprints in the sand or understand the process, but He is here.
Grace is the assurance of my salvation, knowing that there is nothing I can do to earn God’s love or favour. He simply loves me with an overwhelming love. He who spared not His only son for us, would He not freely give us all things that we ask of Him in due season?
Romans 8:32
He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?
Grace is trust. Trusting God in this in-between season. I’m still walking towards the sunlight. Waking every day, I depend solely on God’s grace to get me through each day. I don’t ask for much. Just enough grace to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
As I look back at the last few months and the things I’ve been able to achieve despite all the losses and grief. I am amazed at the number of blessings I forgot to be grateful for. God’s Grace has continuously covered me (especially in seasons when I wasn’t even talking to Him).
In this in-between season of my life, Grace is a symbol of what is possible with a God who fiercely loves and pursues us.
2 Corinthians 12:9
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me…”
In this in-between season of my life, I can rest in the knowledge that all my weaknesses are covered by Grace.
I’ve had moments where I ran away from God’s presence. I’ve cried, shouted, wailed, and been angry. Grace is the assurance of my faith that no matter how ugly it gets, God is right there. He can take my questions and the whirlwind of emotions that is grief.
Psalm 139:7-12 – English Standard Version
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
Grace is knowing that I am His and He is mine. In this in-between season, Grace is what keeps hope alive.